PERSONAL STATEMENT/ ADMISSION ESSAY

Please proofread and edit my medical personal statement- feel free to add anything. I want my personal statement to be able to draw the admission attention. You are my all hope now. I got some comments from medical advisors and after reading these comments I feel stuck, I don’t know how to make my personal statement looks good. Please HELP! I will attach my resume if needed to see what I did. If that would help I have attached it for you as well.
Here are the comments that I got from medical admission advisors, please consider them.

This is the first one:

There is some room to improve some of the narratives in the experiences. Instead of just listing insights, you may wish to make it more flowing and easier to read. In the narratives, it is a good idea to share the experience (which you do well) and what you got out of it and what you gave to it.

There are some syntax opportunities for improvement:

For example: “it gave me hands-on patients” you probably mean it gave you hands-on experiences with patients.

This is the second one as well:
Please see below regarding your personal statement:
You will need to shorten it as it exceeds the 5,300 character limits with spaces. Your statement is 6, 298 characters. You need to condense it to about one page but including information that answers these specific questions
Why have you selected the field of medicine?
You spoke about the death of your grandparents and your mother’s illness
What motivates you to learn more about medicine?
What do you want medical schools to know about you that you did not disclose in other sections of the application?
You wrote a bit about your challenges
Review for grammatical errors and have others review for revising and editing
Avoid the use of contraction words (don’t, couldn’t, can’t)

If you organized it by focusing on the three questions I noted above, you should be good.