Business Plan Draft editing

Please edit the parts that says Shu Yu Lin on it, which is Industry analysis, Marketing Analysis, and Operations Plan.

Please edit the parts after reading my professor’s comments below:

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Executive Summary
The first paragraph needs to be re-written for clarity. It’s a vital paragraph, but it’s not clear.
In the 4th paragraph, you use the term profits when, I believe, you mean revenue.
When you say commissions in the same paragraph, that should either be interest or dividend depending on how it is structured. Commission is generally used in reference to compensation for a sale.
When naming your team members, please use surnames as well.

Industry Analysis
Explain better how you are a renewable energy. Can you really replace a significant number of electric lights with candles? Is it a meaningful savings in either money or emissions?
When you say “merge” with an events company, what do you mean? Is that a partnership or a real financial merger?
Where are the industry growth rates? The nature of the other participants and the key success factors?
Read Chapter 6 and the rubric and include all required elements.

There is nothing here on mission statement. The description of the products is still rather high level. Are there different kinds of candles? Legal status? Ownership?

Market analysis
The first paragraph is superfluous. It just explains what marketing is.
There needs to be more detail in the second paragraph.
You mention the analysis you have done on buyer and consumer behavior, but don’t say what they prefer. You need to explain and detail buyer behavior.
You mention several warehouses here, but don’t mention them earlier in your start up costs.
You mention selling 200 units to break even, but mention retail stores and warehouses. That doesn’t make sense to me. You will need to explain this.
There is no competitor analysis.

Again, here you use profits when I think you mean revenue.
You don’t use “revenue driver’ here correctly. Please review Chapter 6. Your revenue drivers would be candles and bath bombs.

How much will be sold online vs. in retail stores? How will you promote your product at retail stores? How will you get your product on the shelf of stores? Which stores?
Be more specific around social media. Whom will you target? Will you run ads or just posts?

Operations Plan
Finally, some more detail on how many different kinds of candles. This should be earlier in the plan too.
Here you say all sold through website, but earlier you spoke about retail stores. Please be consistent.
You are in an “over saturated” market according to your plan. As such, I would recommend you find a way to differentiate yourself.
There is nothing here on business locations, employees etc.

Build out the management roles and structure a bit more.

You are missing some of the financial information.
Why does your shipping cost not increase in step with your sales? Why is your rent only $75/month?

Overall, this plan needs some work. There is good stuff here, but it needs much more detail.

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